a disciple's blog

As a Pastor, one of the saddest things is when someone just disappears from your church (and it was not due to the "rapture"); one day they're there and the next day they're gone. It's hard to lose someone you've come to care about without so much as a goodbye. So is there a good way to leave a church? I found this post on one of the blogs that I read (The Slice by Stephen Collins) and found it to be very helpful.

Pastor Larry

How to leave a church

There is a lot more written about growing a church than there is about leaving a church. The fact remains that many people choose to leave a fellowship and attend elsewhere and I believe the way this transition is handled determines how blessed we are in our new place of worship.
I am thinking about this because I spoke this past weekend at Gateway Church in DFW where I was a staff pastor for almost seven years. It was great to see everyone and I was welcomed back as a son who had left with a blessing.

It was like returning to my parent's home. I am not sure all of us have had the same experiences, but Pam and I love going back to our childhood homes. The grandparents take care of the kids, we sleep a little later, we do not have to cook and we get to experience the joy of the house without carrying the burdens of the house.

I have left churches poorly in the past, but when I left Gateway in 2007, I transitioned well because some wise mentors taught me some simple principles of leaving a church.

Leave after telling someone

Many people just disappear from church and the rest of the people are left wondering why. Often we assume the worse and that is how gossip starts which always damaging. I believe we should have the courage to tell leaders why we are leaving and at least ask for them to pray for us as we leave. The best person to tell is a mature person in leadership who has influenced, encouraged and mentored you the most.

Leave after forgiving

I believe God rarely blesses a transition that happens because of hurt feelings or personal offenses. It takes more maturity to sit down and discuss issues than to leave upset. God wants us to live in authentic community which is more than just parties, laughter and ice cream socials. Authentic community requires honest discussion about misunderstandings, hurts and conflicts. I have found that people who leave one church because of hurt feelings that are unresolved normally have their feelings hurt at the new place in short order. God requires us to forgive and work through the difficulties of relationships and the best place for this to happen is in the church where we currently attend.

Leave with a blessing

Many times people tell me they are leaving because God told them to leave. That may be true, but it leaves little room for me to disagree with them. If I do, I am arguing with God and that never works out well. The right way to tell someone is to say, "I am sensing that God is leading me to leave but I am open to your counsel." This changes the entire tone of the conversation. Now, the leaders get to be a part of the process and they have a chance to pray with you. Most of the time the decision remains the same and you leave the church for your next assignment. The difference is you leave with the blessings and participation of the leaders and that is really important.

When I speak about this topic, I often use the analogy of a wedding to explain my convictions. None of us would want our children to tell us they had chosen their spouse, they are leaving our home and the wedding has already happened. We may very well love the person they chose but we would be hurt that we did not get to be a part of the engagement party, the wedding celebration and the reception where we send them off to their honeymoon.